I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
