It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
