my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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