I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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