If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
