youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
