I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Randomize
