I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
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