I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
