i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
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