So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
