I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
