I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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