you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
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