Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
