You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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