I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
