Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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