Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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