woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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