I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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