you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize