I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
