Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
