Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
