apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
