i was born a porn star she said
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
