So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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