He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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