I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
