he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
