Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
