One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
