I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
