Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
