Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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