I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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