so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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