The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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