I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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