I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
