I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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