I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize