The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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