She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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