why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
