you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
