she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
