kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
