i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
