Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
