I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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