if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
