She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
