I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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