I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize