you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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