God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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