My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
