My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
