Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
