We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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