you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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