That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
