I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Randomize
