I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize