I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
