perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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