I hate all girls vehemently.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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