I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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