are you still at the devil's house?
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
