Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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