Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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