i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
