I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize