We're facebook friends in real life
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Randomize
