Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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