I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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