I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
