the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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