Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You are a genius and a whore.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
